I recently encountered quite the dilemma with my current girlfriend. We have been going out for around 7 months, and it has been going great. However, just until maybe a month or two ago, she has not been able to get excited (meaning sexually). Before, she would get wet pretty fast, and I was able to please her. Now, I'll spend near to half an hour just to get her wet, and more recently she hasn't at all. Is this a loss of attraction towards me from her point of view, or am I just doing something wrong? We have a good emotional relationship, but I know that pleasing her sexually is a way of showing my love for her physically. Any suggestions on what to do? Thank you.
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Tue, March 18, 2008 - 6:36 PM<<Is this a loss of attraction towards me from her point of view, or am I just doing something wrong? >>
Maybe you should ask her that question directly. -
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Tue, March 18, 2008 - 7:10 PMI agree... you need to ask her. Any advice you receive here will be pure speculation. You need to learn to communicate if you want to have a good relationship with her. Ask her, but ask in a gentle, loving, non-judgemental way. She may be hesitant to openly discuss it... she may be feeling there's something wrong with her which would make her insecure about discussing it. Or she may have some kind of discomfort with you which she may be hesitant to share. Either way, these are things you should know about if you're going to have a future.
Ask her. And be supportive and understanding of whatever it is she has to say. Think about how you'd want her to be if she were to ask you about any issues you might have with sexual responsiveness. It's a delicate subject, but one that must be discussed in a mature, adult relationship. -
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Wed, March 19, 2008 - 5:25 PMI have asked her, and although I presented it gently, she became rather emotional about it. She said she doesn't know what to do because according to her, there is the physical attraction for me, but somehow she just doesn't respond. We decided to just take it as it comes, but it really hurts me to know that I can't physically please my girlfriend. I don't think she has discomfort with me because she is always very honest, and I know the physical part of the realtionship shouldn't be as important, but I want to be able to show her all my love for her. I know if she were in my position, she would have a hard time dealing with the fact that there is little responsiveness. It's hard to live with myself also knowing I don't have this ablility anymore... I'm not sure what to do now. -
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Wed, March 19, 2008 - 5:48 PMIt seems you're missing the most important thing of all...
It's not about you.
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Tue, March 18, 2008 - 11:40 PMhaven't you posted this exact text around tribe for a few weeks now? -
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Wed, March 19, 2008 - 5:21 PMi've posted in the sfbay tribe by accident. I didn't see this tribe until yesterday.
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Wed, March 19, 2008 - 8:36 PMIs there something wrong with posting in a few different tribes? especially if you don't have a satisfactory answer in a few weeks.
The answer seems so obvious to me. I'm wondering why it hasn't yet been said?: cunnilingus -
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Thu, March 20, 2008 - 1:25 PMmen and women often get very different things out of sex.
women often feel loved through being treated really well and then the sex follows.
nurture her as a person not a sexual being.
many of us like romance before sex.
men often forget to keep doing the little things they did to win her love at the beginning.
these little things are very important. -
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Thu, March 20, 2008 - 2:56 PMI know what would work for me...
Fix my car.
Now THAT'S hot. -
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Thu, March 20, 2008 - 5:25 PMBut we'd rather fix your plumbing. :)
The only time I've encountered anything similar was when they woman had a very strong religious upbringing even though she was no longer part of any religion. Then there was a lot of guilt about enjoying sex "out of wedlock" and all the sin and guilt stuff a lot of people have been raised with starts constantly being played in the back of her mind.
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Fri, March 21, 2008 - 8:24 PMgoing on bcp can cause this as well. I'm just saying. -
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Sat, March 22, 2008 - 1:11 AMNothing turns on the flames like being without for a while. Just a thought.
You're a young male horn dog. She is a woman.
Spend time loving her in all of the non-sexual ways.
Discuss your game plan for bringing back the juices and see if she likes your ideas... or not.
"New and exciting" works to cover up what the relationship is lacking at first. But then... 6-7 months later...
I was in this situation once and found that we weren't really sexually compatible. Plain and simple.
Next!
Oh, and good luck. =-)
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 12:39 AMYou know, there are so many reasons something like this could start happening all of a sudden and worrying generally only makes it worse, especially if the two of you have already discussed it and you're preoccupied by it and she knows you are. It can be a vicious cycle that just keeps getting worse if it's dwelt upon.
Sometimes a gal's hormones can be out of whack somehow--it could be caused by birth control pills or some other medication or it could be something as simple as her being dehydrated.
Have you tried using some kind of lubricant to help? It can make a huge difference in comfort levels, as well as being an aid to arousal and extra stimulation. -
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Sat, May 3, 2008 - 1:54 AMI agree with the cunnilingus comment, some finger workage can incorporate the wetness in where it needs to be, and she'll have the opportunity to lay back, close her eyes and fantasize about what turns her on until she's hot for you, and what you have to offer. Don't forget to still work with the fingers on the clit while doing the deed. Be strong, take command, don't worry about it, that's unattractive.
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Thu, May 8, 2008 - 7:42 PMHas there been a visit to the MD to rule out anything biological? Any recent personal issues ( family, job loss/new job, friend problems, etc)?
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Re: Women problems. Need adivce, please.
Thu, May 8, 2008 - 11:40 PMGoogle "Cockstar" and buy some........One pill will keep you rock hard for three days without a viagra hangover. No prescription needed, guaranteed to work.
